On one of my posts, there was one comment I remember clearly:
“Why do you write on topics like this? Nobody cares. Stop blogging.”
It stung. It stung hard.
It was one comment but the words were sharp. I sat with my laptop on the floor and cried all of that Thursday night. And the next day, I decided to not write on my blog again. It’s taken me 56 days to get back to my site again, and I’m still nervous when I think back to how I felt that one day.
Since then, a lot of things have changed. The sidewalks are now filled with winter parkas, and coffee shops smell like pumpkin spice lattes. Instead of ‘Hot Girl Summer’ we are singing carols and waiting patiently for those Black Friday deals to drop.
But in my personal life, I feel almost lifeless. Even with all the changes around me, I felt – and still feel – stuck in that moment to when I read that.
Not too long after that time, news broke in Korea of a famous k-pop singer, Sulli, who committed suicide. There is high suspicion that Sulli, a former member of the group f(x), who was suffering from severe depression at that time committed suicide because of the antagonistic comments online. This news came as a shock to everyone as she portrayed a very strong, positive person through her social media sites.
Now, I am putting a huge disclaimer that I know I am nothing close to a k-pop star and I have no understanding about the extent of the comments she was getting. I also can’t imagine the hate that she received after defying societal norms in Korea because even my one comment made me rethink my purpose.
I want this post to be a reminder to you reading this that you are worthy of love and life – even with the hate. It may not be hate through an anonymous comment. It may be hate from your coworker or boss, your ex-boyfriend or current girlfriend, and especially yourself.
You are worthy of living the purpose you were given to live and breathe for.
I am still struggling to find my own and get back to the core of myself, as this bump was a really tough one to come back from. But I will come back to spread hope and love and even to finish my Korean show reviews on the side!
I just want to put a special thank you to one reader for reaching out. I got this email about a month ago, and although I haven’t replied, I remember to go back to it every week.
I want to thank you for some of your blogs. I have some image issues myself and I was inspired by some of your comments and enthusiasm.
I note you haven’t posted for a few weeks now?
Just want to check and see if things are ok, and let you know that you have friends everywhere.
Every time I read it, it fills in the emptiness that was created from the hate comment from before, and it reminds me that even with the hate all around me and us, there is love.
Thank YOU for reading this and I hope that you and I can build on this journey together.
If you or someone you know is in emotional distress or suicidal crisis, check out the resources below.
Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Here is a list of international suicide hotlines.
Text TALK to 741741 for 24/7, anonymous, free counseling.
Call the SAMHSA Treatment Referral Hotline, 1-800-662-HELP (4357), for free, confidential support for substance abuse treatment.
Call the RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline, 1-800-656-HOPE (4673), for confidential crisis support.
Call Trevor Lifeline, 1-866-488-7386, a free and confidential suicide hotline for LGBT youth.
7 Cups and IMAlive are free, anonymous online text chat services with trained listeners, online therapists, and counselors.